I'm an alcoholic and I need help

I'm 34, soon to be 35 and I've been drinking to the point of intoxication as long as i can remember. I wasn't a drinker as a kid. I followed the rules and didn't smoke cigarettes or smoke pot or drink. My dad was my warning siren for alcohol abuse. He was a boson on cruiseshiups and was gone for months at a time for the majority of my childhood.  My mom  who worked full time aNDHAD A HUSBAND AT SEA did her best to take care of an only child with endless curiosity. My granddad the southern baptist minister played surrogate father picking me up from school every day in his chrysler that he was so proud of. it was practically a new one every year because of his ;long time friend Wd Voyles, attendee of the church my gpa preached at, longtime family friend (at least what i gathered from yearly Christmas cards) and probably a crooked bastard that did some fucked up shit but that's just conjecture. He had a used car lot empire in Atlanta so I feel like that's not throwing the ham toon far from the dogs.I just made that up and I like it so I'm leaving it in.

As i write this I've had 5 old fashioned? reader take note that they're all been in an ultropn Coffeys mug so...that makes hot better, right? The desire to quit drinking has been inside me almost as long as alcohol has. It's been a hundred year war between what consuming alcohol accomplices and what it takes away. I "sleep" with no problem, though alcoholics don't generally experience REM sleep which is the real sleep, so what I call sleep[ is basically a series of naps after which my body and mind don't actually get to recharge, they just kind of get back to the baseline low battery mode which I power through every day, trying to minimize my Coffeys input.

For now this is all I've got.  As the post is titled I need help and I hope this is the beginning of the journey. This is drunk Christopher reaching out to morning boy that has a bit pof coffee in his system. You deserve to read this and think a bout this the morning with a clear head, not just when you pour it out after you've poured it out. Nice jokes fella. I love you, there's only one of you. Try to take better care of it.

(Disambiguate)

How do I look to you?

Moving without moving

I see the water, but not the sea.

Indy-pen-dance day

How does breaking away from a system change a thing?
Does it change the system or are the effects negligible?

How does the thing's freedom alter its motives?

Are independence and freedom the same thing?

It is only by what we define as captivity that we define freedom, no?

...and he knows no mercy but what he's given.
cursed with a boundless heart
and doomed to a futureless endeavor
he takes hold of the tepid night
clinging to every pore of the atmosphere
held fast not by quietude
but by languor
and hope for...

Displacement

Just woke up in bed, all the lights in the house on, clothes on the bathroom floor, earrings placed neatly on the bathroom sink, not knowing where or when I was.

Currentwerk

my demarcations are expanding almost limitlessly (remember limits?)
but within those limits, contracting.
sort of coalescing while remaining a whole in their own parts.
again, I get to use the word ouroboric to describe the way my art is functioning.
(Does this mean I can't claim a stance?(how much does one need to be claimed?))
I know I've written this many times before, but how much/when/why is enough?
(which always makes me think of how soon is now?)'

Enough enough. (I dare you to speak this and not sound like an Ewok)